I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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