Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Terrible idea I love it
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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