Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
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I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize