we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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