How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
