It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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