so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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