I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
