If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
