happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
