shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
