She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
