I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
