I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
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