i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
