I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
