i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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