You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
