Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
