I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
