I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
