on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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