why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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