Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
