you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
