those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
