you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
