you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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