for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
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Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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