Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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