Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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