the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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