its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
