Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
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Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
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So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
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