think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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