I showed him my bush... on skype.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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