i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
