Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
