Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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