there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
