I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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