you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
