Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
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