Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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