party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
