forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
