are you still at the devil's house?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
