I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
