Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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