Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
