Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
