Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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