I don't usually arrange sex via text message
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
