What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
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The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
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Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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