I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
