I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
