Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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