You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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