That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
