My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
