Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
