They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
