respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
