Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
